sinurha nurul saied
Friday, May 8, 2009
DON'T BE SAD...NURUL..

salam.dont know why but i ve been thinking of this matter for sometime:how are u, anyway?u know....ehmm..if i ever mentioned about my penpal- rachel when we were in smai.i sticked to her for about 4-5 years and then we stopped.last time i got her address since she's from england.tried to contact her.so i sent her a letter.it turned out that....her dad phoned me one day( about 2 weeks ago, he goes...hi can i speak to nurul said.i am rachel's father.i read your letter but i afraid that i cannot pass the letter to her.(his voice starts to shiver, as he says...)unfortunately, rachel died 9 years ago..(some date in february 2000).she had leukemia.i was speachless and suddenly my mind was blank.well, i hope you will have a good life( does he mean that is because rachel can't!!...oh so so so sad i start to feel)the only thing i remember came out of my mmouth was, owh, she was a wonderful person.then...a very dark cloud start to crawl in me slowly.although i am too busy with my daily stuff, i still feel the sadness now and then.why?i wanted to meet her so much.sometimes or evrytime i come across a white english lady, my age, i thought that..rachel must've grown to be like this lady.could she be married now?has she still got that innocent look of a fresh country girl living in a proper christian family.huh..it is too sad.it's very weird that i still cant get it over as the sadness is increasing day by day.is it that i felt guilty of raising rachel's memory in her family? after 9 long years...i was asking myself why this should happen? why do i behave like this? maybe because i thought all these 9 years that she is still alive, i had been wondering that she might be married now, or lived abroad.i dont know.it's just a blank kind of feeling plus a lot of frustration plus dont know what next....(sighed...long one)still not done, adnin...i thought it will be done after i told you this.after lots of deep concentrated thinking.i think rachel's death has something to do with MY CHILDHOOD.receiving and reading and replying her letters are a very interesting part of it.my imagination of sitting next to her and laugh about our stories...vanished suddenly.and so...leaving my childhood memories..a big hole in the middle.i wish...if only i could....-rachel's long lost pen pal( that's waT i wrote at the back of MY LAST LETTER TO DEAREST RACHEL)NOR'RUL
Slid down the rainbow at 2:56 PM 1 comments

i'm siti nurhafizah & currently staying in london with my husband and my two daughters khadijah and maryam

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